Are you gonna eat that?

In an effort to continually add value (why can’t we all just contribute?) to what might be otherwise annoying notifications of the periodic Big’uns George’s appearances, I offer just a few of the things I’ve learned in my many years as an amateur gardener. I seem to relearn them each year, so maybe you can benefit from my experience:

• Crabgrass can actually make an interesting and (depending on one’s attitude about it) attractive ground cover. It's beats the heck out of bluegrass for durable. As my dad, Jim Nicholson so wisely said, pretty is as pretty does.
• A huge ripe tomato is no obstacle for a half-inch worm. Said worms taste like hell. Homegrown tomatoes are God’s own food. Growing them well can be the devil's work.
• Don’t fool yourself into thinking your friends want your extra zucchini.
• Mint, as prolific as it is, and as much as it might resemble basil, does not make good pesto.
• One can rent a backhoe without any specialized knowledge or license to operate it. There probably should be a license required to drive one into your yard. But they can be really fun to play with. If you can live with the consequences.
• Poison ivy will grow in an urban environment. Dead poison ivy is still poison ivy. You can develop an allergy to it, even after a lifetime of immunity. God only knows how, but it can get into places on your body normally protected by elastic.
• Bamboo is like 20-foot-tall Bermuda grass. Left unchecked, it would probably spread to and thrive on your roof. Unless you plan on setting up your house as a base for a paramilitary organization, beware the seemingly innocent, smiling older Asian lady who tells you it’s great for landscaping.
• Roundup™ won’t kill bamboo. It will, however, do very interesting things to your neighbor’s prize peonies. The best time to futilely spray Roundup on your bamboo is on Sunday morning. The worst time is Friday evening after a few cocktails. Whiskey and Roundup don’t mix.
  

But Friday evening—notably this Friday evening--is a great time to go to the George’s happy hour. Big’uns will be there this week, along with our best friends. 6-8pm. So put up the garden sprayer and get yourself on out. All that yard stuff will wait ‘til Sunday (or Monday this week).